Writer. Researcher. Listener. Grief Coach.
Hi! My name is Monica. I’m a writer, researcher, avid baker, and Grief Coach.
2020 was the year I lost my person. Breast cancer took my mom that April as I was already reeling from other losses: my husband and I were dealing with an unwelcome diagnosis of our own, COVID stole community, a career opportunity, and my business, and then of course, there was the heightened collective grief around police violence.
The space opened by pandemic lockdown gave me room to break open though, to be curious and to explore the ways the registers of personal, professional, and collective grief are interwoven. My heart broke wide open and spilled its contents all over the floor. Because of lockdown, there were no visitors to need to sweep it up for. There was no job or career to pull it back together for. There were no requirements or pressures or timelines or tacit understandings of normalcy to squeeze my soft body into. No compulsory performances of ‘ok’ to sustain.
As a result and amidst deep despair, I said fuck it and invited grief in. At the time, the move felt almost nihilistic. I really was too broken to put up shields. Do your worst, I said.
I did not grieve perfectly. I stumbled through and grief teaches you real quick that no such perfection exists anyway. But because I invited it in and felt what I was feeling, grief shared certain gifts with me. Some of these included
–a different, richer quality of gratitude,
–a deeper comprehension of the way my own tangleweb of emotions is woven inward and to the past and outward with others
–that there is no grief healing outside of community
–a brave and vulnerable curiosity.
Things “returned to normal.” I returned to work. And as all the places prematurely reopened, the spaces where I felt I could safely feel, and listen and respond to what grief had to share with me seemed to close up!
That space holds the gifts. I became a grief educator to open it back up for myself and for others. So as a grief educator and coach, I hold space and serve as a compassionate witness for humans interested in feeling—experiencing and listening to their grief for what gifts it has to offer them. I keep judgment, artificial timelines and expectations at bay. Grief has things to tell us. I listen to and with you. I ask questions and suggest practices that help you hear and feel to heal.
***
In my research, I am interested in looking at grief through the lens of work, place, and food. Food especially, in particular cake ceremony, has helped me understand the threshold work involved with good grieving.
In my coaching, and as my own experience continues to unfold, I keep re-learning that individual healing does not take place in a vacuum. My passionate belief is that our own ability to authentically feel and move through grief depends on the space created by compassionate witnessing and supported engagement. My practice is founded on questions, and deep listening for answers:
—How can we better companion one another on our grief journeys?
—How do we trust our hearts enough to learn what grief has to teach us?
—How do we walk its path when we’d rather gate it off?
—How do we leverage imagination, ritual, wonder, breath and body as space makers and bridges when we feel closed off and disconnected?
—How do we practice good grieving in ways that open new relationships across time and registers—even as we honor and release old ones?
I don’t have all the answers (some days I only have more questions) and it’s definitely rough emotional terrain but I know we can walk it together. We have to insist: we will not be separated from ourselves!
***
I earned certification through the Going With Grace End of Life Training in 2022 and served as a student guide for an incoming cohort later that year. I earned my proficiency badge from NEDA (National End of Life Doula Association) shortly thereafter but struggled to find consistent hospice volunteer opportunities to deepen my practice. My dad had died a year after my mom and I was also still doing a lot of soul searching on my own grief journey that needed attending to. I wanted to serve but I wasn’t sure how AND I was looking for more answers!
David Kessler’s Grief Education training seemed a great way to reinforce what I wanted to contribute to this work. Some of which includes:
Offer grief support that centers deep listening and compassionate space holding. Support that can work in tandem with but that also extends beyond therapeutic modalities.
Promote grief literacy by sharing my own experiences and what I learn along the way on my own grief journey
Work to de-stigmatize non-compliant grief (which is what I call grief that doesn’t fit neatly into the imposed timelines, systems and structures of state and capital)
Continue to learn and share ways of tapping our senses, our creativity, our inner and outer landscapes, and our relationships with each other and with the more than human world for lessons in good grieving and healing towards capacity.
This website’s a work in progress. I’ll be working to get the word count down but Thanks for reading and Thanks for being here!
-
The first scenario many of us think of when we think—if we think— of grief and work, is the death of a family member and perhaps the number of bereavement days our benefits allow as PTO. But everyday, people go to work having experienced, while still experiencing, or knowing that some aspect of their work environment itself will cause or exacerbate grief. Just to offer a short list, at any given time, we may be metabolizing grief related to the loss of a loved one, a change in the status of a valued relationship (divorce, break up or betrayal by a friend), the onset or management of an illness, caregiving challenges, a lack of a sense of “fair play” or belonging at work, never mind the fact that the world is burning.
I am bringing my training as a Grief Educator and experience as a peer-to-peer grief support volunteer to researching “the way grief works at work.” However you define it, I am interested in your experience and would love to hear your story. Contact me if you want to talk or know someone who does.
All conversations are held in strict confidentiality.
End of Life and Grief Work
We know how to bring a life into the world and we know how to die. A doula—birth or death—trains and specializes in person-centered care at these critical, sacred moments of transition, supporting the remembrance of our own innate wisdom.
While it can take many forms, the work of the death doula promotes the acceptance of death and dying as part of the natural flow of life. We serve as companions, advocates, educators, and guides for the dying. We use non-medical, holistic approaches in offering the emotional, spiritual, and logistical support that help the dying engage the process with peace, acceptance, and intention. Often, this looks like an organic complement to palliative and hospice care and while doula work centers the dying, it rarely stops with them. Because our vision is driven by holism and right relationship, we also help loved ones take control and comfort in caring for their dying as they move towards and across the threshold.
A death doula can be a bridge, a witness, a recorder of stories, a holder of space, an active listener, an organizer, a point person on your care team, a facilitator, and a still, consistent presence. Whatever will help facilitate a meaningful, conscious, and peaceful death. Don’t know what you need? I am here to figure it out with you.
In my own practice, I recognize the need for ethical, compassionate care and the right to a “good,” self-determined death for all. I recognize that systemic conditions make these needs and rights less accessible for members of BIPOC and LGBTQIA communities. I recognize and put into intentional practice the fundamental value and dignity of all of us.
My role as a Grief Worker is indistinguishable at times from my doula work but also responds to the ways grief —as a shapeshifter— can thread its way through so many corners of our lives. When it is witnessed and held in safe space, we can engage our grief with a curiosity and love that is not only healing, but meaning-making and capacity-building. I am here to build that space of possibility with you.We live and die as unique individuals, sweet miracles, each. The gift of my work is the opportunity to honor that uniqueness. This is why one of my core principles as a death doula and grief worker is to meet you where you are and to be led by your pace, curiosity, and needs. My work is always and only in support of your most meaningful and peaceful experience.This means that each set of services is unique to the client. The following are some of my areas of strength and specialization as well as suggestions for how we might collaborate. They are a way for us to start a conversation. Don't see something here that you'd like to explore? Let me know.
Care, Witnessing, and Companionship for the Dying:
Vigil and Leave-Taking
Non-Medical Care and Physical Comfort Touch
Guided Meditation, Visualization, Breath Work
Exploration and Review:
Life Review
Legacy Projects
Tarot for death and grief exploration
Beloveds:
Reprocessing
Caregiver Respite
Presencing and Listening Sessions
Food Experiences
As a baker, cake designer, and doula, I am continually exploring the rich relationships among food, death, and grief as well as the role of kitchen-centered care work in helping us navigate grief and loss. The exploration of these connections can be an extremely powerful way to “be with” death and grief whether as continuing bonds or as a form of embodied processing. I work with clients on a range of projects involving food—grief cake workshops, recipe books as legacy projects, and cooking as embodied grief exploration. If cooking, baking, or even just eating has been an important part of your life or beloved’s life, I’d be honored to create a meaningful experience with you.
